Yes, OkCupid is the definitive Slut Test, because they ask the "textbook slut question." Is there, in fact, a Slut Textbook, and can I get a cheap version on ? OkCupid knows sluts so well, they know that "slut" isn't just a meaningless, arbitrary insult aimed at debasing women for giving in to the constant pressures of society to act sexy all of the time! Ha ha, no! Sluttiness extends all the way back to childhood! If you're under 13, you're too young to be a slut, and you're too young to type numbers larger than 13 into text boxes.
The OkCupid Slut Test seems to have their method down - in fact, you have to enter your age on the first question to prove that you're over 13 years old. I met my boyfriend on OkCupid, so I trust their algorithms to lead me to the answer I seek. Still, I'm not entirely sure if I am a slut. I a slut? I want to approach this "rationally" (HAH HAH MATH PUN HAH HAH), so I'll assume this means I'm a "Quire girl." A quire is a collection of 24 or sometimes 25 sheets of paper of the same size and quality, so does that mean I'm "sheety"? I do like books (and the occasional folded pamphlet), so maybe this is a good result. Okay, I may be just a slut (possibly?), and not a "nerd," but I'm pretty sure those numbers add up to 168%, which is 168/100, an improper fraction. I'm not sure what "arroussed" is, but I would hope you'd be "touched" that I took the quiz, regardless of whether I was "arroussed" from reading the "qeustions" or not! Okay, what are my results? Surely, Nerd Tests' "The Total Slut Test" will be the most scientifically-based, error proof test. BURRRRRRRN, standardized testing!Įvery slut knows that when you need to know the answer, ask a nerd. Oh, sluts!īuzzFeed doesn't conclusively tell you if you are a slut or nah, but instead, it ascribes a number to you which I guess is useless, except to compare against the scores of other people who sat through this lengthy, confusing, and ultimately frivolous test.
An extra point is merited, therefore, by mens rea. If you were unaware of your kissing partner's relationship status, you can only be tried as an accessory to slutitude, so you only check the third box.
You check that box AND the box two boxes below. So which box do I tick? Joke? Not a joke?Īgain with the complicated questions: If you kissed someone you knew was taken, it was a premeditated offense. I relish this memory so I'll tell it in full: I was wearing a tank top with loose straps that kept falling off my shoulders, so I merely pretended not to notice when my strap "accidentally" slipped down. But would I consider it a joke? It was funny to me, but my intention was to get a rise out of a group of boys who were shaming girls for wearing low-cut shirts. Yes, I have flashed a single nipple, on the A train, on purpose. This test took me the longest of all to complete, perhaps because I found myself puzzling over the specificity of some of the questions, such as the one above. If you complete Buzzfeed's exhaustive "What's Your Sex Number?" quiz, you deserve to be considered an honorary slut. Test #2: BuzzFeed's 'What's Your Sex Number?' Quiz HA! You thought you'd catch me on this one, All The Tests! You didn't know that ripped all my nails off, leaving a bundle of stringy nerve endings at the end of my fingertips! When you're as big a slut as I am, nails just get in the way! If you're hoping to pass this slut test, here's what you should know: rip your nails off, worship cutoffs, and "underwear" are clothes you wear under other clothes! Good luck, sluts! Would a slut Google "underwear"? I'm not sure.Įveryone knows that sluts are religious.about wearing short shorts! Show your devotion to Daisy Dukes and select the first option, fellow sluts! If you don't know what underwear is, that's okay, too! All The Tests understands that underwear can be confusing, so if this question throws you for a loop, you can either Google "What is underwear" or select option C. You should probably excuse yourself to the sluts' ladies' room and check what kind of underwear you're wearing. Spoiler alert! Many of these slut tests have questions about your underwear. Tackling our tests alphabetically (because this is science, people!), our first test is All The Tests' THE SLUT TEST!. Test #1: All The Tests' THE SLUT TEST! (see if you are a slut) Doesn't this taint the results, leading to false slut-positives? Well, don’t worry your potentially slutty heads about that, because as many of these tests demonstrate, “slut” isn’t really about sex! “Slut” is an attitude, a way of life, and an inability to wrap your head around the difficult concept of “underwear.” Let's explore five different "slut tests" and hope we find an answer!